A New Year

Had a horrible start of the year this time. The same shit that happened last year occurred again. Again a break is called for to sort out our thoughts. Frankly speaking, I think this is pretty unnecessary as both of us spent 70% of our time away from each other. But I went with it anyway, feeling more alone then I felt this time.

Why am I putting myself through this shit over and over, I want a someone that will sometimes give me a cuddle when I share my feelings, not a gentleman who helps kiap food during dinner. Seriously any of my guy friend will do that for me. But then, who am I to change all these, when he is so determined that he was right all the way. I'm really tired this time round yet calm. I'm not sure what will happen in the end, but I will certainly be a stronger person.

I still believe in - What doesnt Kills you, Makes u stronger. Then ever. Period.

Coming Home

Hello to my old friend. I had forgotten your presence till someone reminded me of you last night. Well, it has been more then a year then, while you are here collecting dust.

 No major happenings to update though, im still at my current job for almost 2 years coming this April. Just did my second annual appraisal and was happy with my ratings from my manager. Gotten my driving licence and changed my hp to an iphone. Still hasn’t gain much weight.

 Reading through my blog and realized I hasn’t been truly very happy for the longest time. Was pretty upset at some point of time over the past 2 years. But come to think of it, was it really worth my time and my life to get upset over things that are meant or not meant to be. There are many people out there with more serious issues on life and death, hence these things I am facing as pretty mundane. Perhaps im having a mid term crisis, perhaps I just can’t communicate, perhaps I need what they call a session of ‘breathwork’. But I know what issues im facing, im just sick of the vicious cycle where I CANNOT get my feelings/options across no matter how hard I tried. Always ending up exhausted until I don’t bother trying to express myself anymore, just letting it go.

 But then, im just 25.

 I suddenly feel like going back to my ‘wild’ days again when im still young. Doing what ever things I feel like doing and going anywhere I want. Being tamed for the longest period of time. Saying hello to my life again.

Come again, a person cant have the best of both world right?

 My twiny is getting married soon to her prince, felt so truly happy for her because I know they are meant for each other. Soul mates, that’s what I called, sharing the same dreams and goals.

Currently listening to this song :) Cant be tamed - Miley Cyrus

New challenges up ahead

Been a long time since I last updated. Too lazy to update here. Laughs.

Finally reformatted my laptop, it’s like an empty shell now. Now, it’s the bloody printer that’s giving me problem. They are taking turns driving me mad.

I got 2 pieces of good news. Happy! Firstly, I would be starting a brand new job soon! Higher pay! I promise myself, this time round, I got to stay for at least 1 year. *Finger crossed.

Second happy news is not so grand though, I gained 2kg! Laughs. But I think it’s accumulated on my tummy and thighs. Damn it, why not the boob’s area.

Oh yeah, make it 3 happy news. I passed my Basic theory! But, seriously it’s not that difficult if u studied. Can’t even be considered ‘chicken feet’, should be ‘chicken toes’ instead. Hahaha.

I have been saving some portions of my income for a few months now. Everytime I deposit a sum inside, I get a thrill seeing the amount grow. I don’t even know what I am saving for. Guess I am becoming more and more auntie, just want to save and save.

Yeah my birthday is coming! This time round, I am sick of going to places like Bkk for endless shopping. Looking for beach-y areas to swim and relax instead. Play water spots and soak up the sun. Bintan would be a good choice after seeing my ex-colleagues’ lovely pics taken over there.

Saw a very lovely rose-gold diamond studded ring with Baby the other day. But it was out of my ring size. So sad, I wanted it so badly cause its love at first sight.

Anyway, I am not afraid of dogs anymore. At least big dogs like Golden retrievers and Huskies. Small dogs still drives me mad and uneasy with their constant yapping, pee-ing, jumping and running. I always feel like giving them a swift kick in their ass. Jewel is the tamest puppy I have ever met; she is the puppy that helps me conquer my fear of dogs.

And berry if you are reading this, I miss you a lot! But don’t feel jealous over Jewel alright! Haha. You are my only twiny bestie! In the whole wide world! Never feel to make me feel loved or cheer me up. Muacks.

Jewel at 3-4 months

Look how much she has grown. 6 month.

My Vday pressie to Baby.

His Vday pressie for me

Us outside B and J. Taken by berry.

Bejewelled-ing till it Hang. My god.

My King and Queen.

My Berry and me. Sry, thats the only decent pic I can find.

The concert that I never got a chance to go.

Random-ness

Sending my brother to Tekong.

Me me and me.

Unsettled

It’s really been awhile since I last updated. Not much pics for now, as my laptop is dying on me, I can’t even view the pics I uploaded from my camera due to my stupid ‘limited’ C drive. Pissing me off greatly.

Just spent quite abit on my skin, eye and hair care last night. Praying for good complexion everyday. Hope the Neutrogena Hydrating cleanser and essence would hydrate my stupid sensitive and dehydrated skin.

CNY was over in a flash, too fast. But this year was the first time I gave my parents ang baos too! They are very happy to be receiving for a change. Laughs. 2 pics of me and Dar in my Xiao auntie's home. With the blue sparkling juice that matches my dress.

There are certain things, I feel are left hanging in the air.

But I have no courage to dig into it, best leaving it there. Hanging.

I feel that, I am becoming more and more NOT me.

Losing myself to suit the changing environment with its demands.

I don’t like this outcome, but I am afraid.

I seriously, seriously can’t take any ultimatum anymore. Nope. Ostrich time.

Until the day when I feel that…ok, I don’t even want to go to that stage. Yet.

I asked Berry a question that was hiding inside me for a few months.

Her reply left me feel somewhat unsettled. The feeling sucks.

I can only pray the feeling goes away. (Ostrich again I know)

But for now, at least, I know my limit has reached. Don’t think I can take that pain one more time.

Berry talked me into taking driving lessons, but I haven set my heart into it.

But I made up my mind to save more this year. Did a survey with my colleagues and found out that I have been saving below ‘market-rate’!

Spending so much for what. (Slaps). Have to stop buying clothes for now! (Must stick to it). But I still want my pink com chair..since like 2 years ago.

I think my entry is so random.

More Random pics below.

Cute Kinderland kids perferming Xmas carols on every floor.

Moment of filming awards night video.

My dream wedding ring.

My chio Tinkerbell organiser of the year cum Children's Day pressie 2009 from Dar.

I  Me